i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
