You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
