he thought i was a dude.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
