dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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