Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Acid is not a monday night drug
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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