So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
