she was so not down for the gang bang
I looked at my own cervix.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
