Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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