I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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