i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
