I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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