Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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