I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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