i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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