I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
