You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
