i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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