she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
