guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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