Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
