Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
