He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
