hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize