come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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