I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
