I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize