she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
