thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
