she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
