Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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