why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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