and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
