I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
