better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
