Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
