Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
