I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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