sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
