"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
