if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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