his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize