I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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