if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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