You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
