just tell him i said nine months
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
