just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
