I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
