Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
