Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize