just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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