so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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