Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
