i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
