She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
