i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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