This beer is not sobering me up at all
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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