what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I would ride that face into the sunset
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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