Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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