we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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