Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
