Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I want to have your abortion
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
