I'm gonna have a badass scar
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
