and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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