So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
two words...techno handjob
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
