i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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