so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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