Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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