Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
