maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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