The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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