Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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