the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
