I just saw a hot homeless man
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
